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We’ve hit the peak of summer and September is looming, without a firm plan for schools and ongoing worry about the risks of the re-opening and re-entry process. It’s more important than ever that we acknowledge the emotional realities we are all facing.
Just consider the struggle to keep kids busy while working full-time from kitchen tables, seeing and experiencing the harm of racial injustice, or the increasing cognitive load of staying on top of pandemic protocols.
Carrying all of this in the background, or worse, covering it up, sucks up energy and interferes with our ability to be present and fully engaged. Leaders and teams that acknowledge their emotional landscapes create connection and support that unlocks energy for team trust, well-being, and performance.
The Empathy Equation
Empathy is the practice that keeps us in-tune with what’s going on with others and helps everyone feel seen, heard, and understood. Leaders and teams that practice empathy take time to consider what others might be thinking or feeling, talk about it, and communicate in ways that meet each other’s needs. (You can find more on empathy in an earlier post here.)
In times of chaos and stress, it can be challenging to stop and notice what’s happening outside ourselves. We’re all in the same storm, but we are sailing very different ships. Each of us is facing a different situation and will respond differently which might show up in unusual ways.
You might notice one person suddenly working excessively or another avoiding communication. One of your team members might be overly cheerful, or maybe their sarcasm suddenly has a sharp sting. These could be signs that there’s stuff happening in their landscape and it’s time to check-in with them.
Noticing different emotional responses isn’t about judging good or bad; better or worse. It’s about seeing and acknowledging what IS happening for that person and that it matters. The more aware we are of different realities, the better we can plan and adapt our communications, our expectations, and our work.
For some, empathy is on extra high alert as we get sucked into our news feeds and consume the struggles of the world. Highly active empathy can make us hyper-aware of other’s feelings – both real and assumed. As leaders, we may try to control emotions and protect our team because we’re afraid to cause the team more stress. We might hold back on communicating business realities or providing clear expectations.
Holding back might seem supportive but ultimately leaves gaps in information, which gets filled with more worries, stories or worse. This can reduce trust, cause confusion and actually increase emotional distress.
Be Explicit
Rather than holding back information or ignoring emotional realities, leaders can be intentional, not just with noticing emotions, but also taking time to talk about the hard stuff. Studies show that the simple act of naming an emotion causes changes in the brain, specifically in the amygdala (emotions zone), reducing the reaction activity and increasing activity in the prefrontal cortex (thinking zone), which can have calming and healing effects.
Being intentional can be a quick check-in at the start of a meeting, or it can be a dedicated and deep conversation. Connected leaders create a space were people feel safe to talk about feelings or worries and they lead by example, letting their team in on some of their own struggles too. (Click HERE for a guide for check-in conversations.)
I’ve experienced how powerful being explicit can be during an event I attended virtually during lock-down. At the kick-off, our leader and host took time to state what we might be feeling at that moment: worries for our clients and our businesses, apprehension about the shift to virtual, the imposter syndrome that sneaks up in the presence of such a powerhouse of global professionals. Having someone name this out loud and acknowledge the impact this might have on our confidence set a tone of openness and understanding. This immediately (and visibly) freed up energy to focus on the learning instead of those inner demons.
Building Emotional Savvy
Taking time to notice and name emotions increases the shared understanding of our individual realities and improves overall team connection and effectiveness. Developing this emotional savvy helps us appreciate our emotional strengths, recognize pitfalls and find better ways to put emotions to work.
Emotionally savvy teams cultivate habits and practices that make them better at recognizing when and what emotions are at play and how they impact the situation, which makes it easier to navigate next steps. It also helps foster a socially safe environment which boosts everyone’s confidence to fully contribute.
Paying attention to emotions give us more data and more choices, shifting us from reactive to responsive, improving team flexibility, problem-solving and decision-making.
Moving out of chaos, finding clarity and rebooting our workplaces will require new ways of thinking about work and life. The pandemic has made it clear that human connection is essential. The idea that we should “leave our emotions at the door” no longer serves us and potentially limits our potential. Acknowledging emotions and boosting our emotional effectiveness will help us harness what drives us, what strengthens us and what makes us resilient as human beings.
Curious about your own EQ Effectiveness? Learn more HERE.
Sources:
University of California - Los Angeles. "Putting Feelings Into Words Produces Therapeutic Effects In The Brain." ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 22 June 2007. <www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/06/070622090727.htm>.