I’ve been troubled lately by many well-intentioned experts and blogs filling our news feeds with dire advice on leadership, performance or any topic related to personal and career development. We are bombarded with what successful folks allegedly ALWAYS do or NEVER do. (Or sometimes always, never do!)  Search any of these headlines and I bet you’ll get a hit: 3 Things Successful People NEVER Do, 5 things Great Leaders ALWAYS Do; 10 things Emotionally Intelligent People NEVER Say…

There’s no shortage of advice anchored in extremes.  

I no longer think it’s reasonable to portray success as a one-dimensional superhero captured in snapshot. Like the air-brushed cover-model or that perfect sports play on replay it creates a superficial comparison of measurement and suggests that focusing on extremes is the only way to achieve success when in fact, it’s the small habits, practiced daily and building momentum through both hits AND misses that leads to sustained performance and consistent achievement.

Polarized language generates drama and clicks but it’s inaccurate and misleading. It places people into one category or the other and disregards the beauty of the in-between. Human performance and behaviour is so much more than two sides of a coin. Regardless of superior skills and near perfect performances, even those considered the best sometimes get off track – and fail to deliver on ALWAYS or NEVER. Inspiring leaders sometimes say the wrong thing in the heat of frustration, and the star athlete sometimes misses a play.

When we focus on labels or narrow definitions that create inflexible, all-or-nothing criteria for success, we hide the humanity that’s happening behind the scenes. These headlines often diminish the value of daily and deliberate practice, continuous improvements and vital learning that comes from failing. All or nothing thinking can also imply moral judgements of “good” and “bad” and shames us into believing an off moment means we’ll never make the cut.

People who truly achieve great things rarely talk in absolutes when it comes to performance and behaviour. They understand it’s a continuous exercise and that sometimes you don’t win, but you keep trying with the hope that you’ll hit success more often than not. When I work with clients in the areas of communication, emotional intelligence and leadership practices, we focus on:

• small habits

• experimentation

• trying things out

• and refining

We acknowledge there’s unknowns, human factors and the stuff each of us carries around that sometimes gets in the way. Incremental change, over time, is powerful and effective at creating lasting success. Learning to keep moving forward and finding what works, more often is what matters.

Blindly accepting advice focused on ALWAYS and NEVER is limiting, demotivating and interferes with growth. We can challenge ourselves to re-frame these headlines in realistic terms – recognizing that none of us is perfect 100% of the time. Even if we snapped at our co-worker yesterday or tanked our pitch today, we can get back on track tomorrow, keep practicing, and building our skills with each new opportunity that arises.